hahaha grabe, nakakatawang basahin ung mga dati kong blog... bumebenta sakin mga hirit ko.. LOLX

alix | 9:58:00 PM

ako po ay isang yagit

na naghahanap ng regalo ngayong pasko

hahahahaha

alix | 9:50:00 PM

when i was a kid, my dad always told me not to cry. because crying means being weak... crying means telling the whole damn world that you're weak. and it's because everytime something tough gets in my way i always end up crying. and bawling for that matter. dad always said i should never be like my mom... who always cry when she's angry or when she and dad would fight. he said i should be tough, to not let them see me weak. but then again, i'm not the kind of person who would. yes, i am weak... and i'm not living up to what my dad told me. i remembered when i was in 3rd grade, me and my friends would play hide and seek in their garage. one night though, i suddenly tripped and ended up ruining their repainted car. well, a part of it... i came home crying and mom asked me why. it was funny though, because i lied. i told her that i just got carried away from our communion song that i was repeatedly singing.i laughed but mom caught my tounge and eventually spilled the truth from me... but what i realized is, i cried. yup, i did... but hey, i wasn't weak... ^^; crying isn't an action of weakness.. and someone made me realize that when i was struggling to find my answers. i was in 2nd year i think. no, i didn't have any problems at all... my life was perfect! except for my dad's threats of making me stop school if i don't get my grades straight. which i never did take seriously... ^^ but there was one time when i suddenly had a chance to hold a blade, and it just felt right to let it touch my skin. i wasn't depressed, not even in hallucinagens... or whatever you guys cal it. i wasn't a masochist, i hated pain, i cry because of it. and everytime i hear someone cry out of pain my ears would ring and my skin would tremble. but i really like those gory type of films... ^^ anyway, i was suddenly in a frenzy... a cutter happy frenzy. and my friends, well being my friends they knew i was at the maximun... so they ended up banning me from cutters or scissors or anythin sharp for that matter. they we're always on the look out when i asked one of my classmates if she could lend me one they'd suddenly pop out of no where and tell her not to. well, as all frenzy and natural high would end so did mine.... after a year or so, i think. ^^ well, anyway, it wasn't till i told my story to someone that made me realize that what i did, being cutter happy, was weaker than crying. he told me that, it was better to show your emotions than to destroy them. and that was exactly what i was doing by letting that damn blade touch my skin.. he told me he admire those who cry, may you be a man or a woman. because you have the courage to let those people around you know what you feel.. i dunno, but something made me change... maybe because i know he's right. and maybe because i know what i did was wrong. or maybe i want to be one of those persons he admire... to tell him i'm strong. not weak... and to show my dad that crying isn't wrong... that crying makes me a man, even though i'm technically and biologically a woman... ^^ crying isn't weak, it never was... that was just a tall tale...

wala lang... ^^ naalala ko lang ^^

alix | 10:10:00 AM

shit! naalala ko nanaman ung fubu na yan!putang ina tlga! patroy un fubu!! ung FUBU!!!!!holy fukin shit!

pota talagang fubu yan

alix | 12:04:00 AM

leche, nawala ung dapat ppost ko tanga tanga ko talaga

alix | 11:23:00 PM

i'm soooo early!! hahaha, feel bang may pasok pa? had soiree last night, it was fun! all the guys there were kalog... haha benta mga hirit nila. we should have more soirees like that, hindi boring... at may pinatutunguhan... kahit papaano... hindi ba? hahaha going to watch kingkong with VAL tonight, yey! bondin session! and i think she's going to sleep here rin... yey! more bonding session! haha! i woke up really early... lumuluhaluha pa ung mata ko, grabe... hindi naman na ako makatulog, weird. lolx

alix | 7:54:00 AM

yey! no more classes! almost 3 weeks of no classes! yey! and i got my pC back! meaning, i can play all i want, mwahahaha

alix | 12:27:00 PM

waa! i give up! tomorrow ko nalang tatapusin ung 2 and a half pages, sakit na tlga ng ulo ko. pala pa akong load... wala pa akong moral support!

leche tlga!

alix | 11:58:00 PM

argh!
paper!!! nooo!!!! i cannot write anything!
nothing seems to have sense, and my moral support is missing.. asleep maybe... waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i need a moral support!! i don't wanna go crazy over this shit. i have 4 pages to fill and i'm only at the first page and only two an a half inches of it filled! T.T waaaaa!!!! i'm really sick and i'm supposed to be asleep already and i'm really really sleepy and my head hurts like hell and my nose is running around and my throat is barking mad! T.T waaaaaa!!! where's my moral support!! T.T shit, i remembered... i haven't studied for anything! my first 2 exams are physics and filipino... T.T how the hell am i going to study those 2 subjects and finish my term paper before tomorrow ends?? T.T waaaaaaaaaaa!!!!! i don't wanna go to school anymore! T.T but then again, i still have to pass my share of the term paper no matter what happens..

moral support!! yoohoooo where are you?

alix | 10:52:00 PM

the cry of the wind
eerily screamed throughout the sea of my
unchartered fantasies
have i gone so far that my existence have
long been but an entity of lies?
how so that i was still sailing
though i dread that the lullaby
- that sings in my heart -
go weary
in search for answers?
have i gone so far to search
for them damned answers?
has it not made me one of those
untruthful facades that i
have been so hard avoiding?
somewhere, somehow
i have become a void of truth and hope
of emotions that before
has cut open my flesh and bled me dry
by the obsession of tales
to cover up reality with
ugly patched of what seems to me
is a perfect world.
for what seemed to be an
eternity of nothingness
i have but gave my soul to my heart
and my heart to you
though for all those times of grieving and hoping
of feeling and unfeeling
but for only even one moment
that you see me real
i have been bled dry
but i would have bled dry all over again

alix | 8:10:00 AM

waa! bakit hindi ako makagawa ng tula? bakit? bakit???

alix | 1:11:00 PM

our track comp is moved to the 29th.. este, january 28.. yey! i can study for our exams!

alix | 1:01:00 PM

i hate being alone in my room like this... sitting on my chair, fingers ready to attack my keyboard, heart pumping, and my brain on overdrive. expecially after i read my past entries, especially THOSE that concerned my not so distant past. it bugs me that everytime i read it i feel myself being dragged back again, back to where i started, back where i stumbled and fell. and it really is ironic, because every entry i did, i'll end it with a goodbye... but somehow, like now, i see myself still typing those words i long to erase, those thoughts i long to forget. i never really said that i was good at goodbyes, nostalgia eats me. and right now it's eating me whole. why do i even say goodbye when i don't even really mean it. i never wanted to say goodbye, never wanted to be apart from you. and now i'm asking myself why i did it. it never really made sense, maybe because i didn't make sense at all. and reading what i have just typed... i suddenly remember that ache in my heart that i have forgotten by the happiness that i was feeling. happy days with someone else... maybe the happiness i was feeling was too weak, because i can feel my heart aching again.

someday, i wish i could say to you what i really feel... believe it or not, what i told you before was either a lie or incomplete. you know when it comes to telling you what i feel i'm good at it as i am at goodbyes... you should know, you're the only person who knew me more than myself, you're the only person that came this close to my heart. and me taking you out of it was the most difficult task i ever made and my heart never ceased to let me remember what i have done. that i have caused it so much pain to almost shatter into thousands of pieces, almost.

my heart never did stop loving you, maybe my mind did but not my heart, never my heart.

alix | 11:01:00 PM

waaaaaaa i'm soooo confused!! sino un?? sino un????? gusto ko malaman kung sino un!!!!!!!!

alix | 4:53:00 PM

uhg, i'm not feeling well... pag gising ko kahapon waw, parang gripo ung ilong ko, tapos when i opened my mouth to say good morning to everyone... lo and behold, no sound came out. hahaha, so i tried again. this time i was able to say something, but gawd, it sounded like someone else, my voice was so low and when i speak too loud or too long it'll screech. and at the mass, i kinda fell asleep nun homily.. hahaha! gumegewang gewang nga ako buong mass, i was really really tired na. when i got home i fell asleep almost imediately, haha. grbe, kanina nga eh while i was waiting for my laptop to restart nakatulog ulit ako, nakaupo sa comp chair at nakasandal sa mickey mouse kong pillow.. lolx grabe, i never felt this sick my entire life... well except when i had dengue... lolx anyway, buti nalang walang pasok ngaun... kaso i greeted pat late na kasi late na ako nagising.. oh well

happy beerday patroy! may libre kami sau sa tuesday dapat! lolx

alix | 4:37:00 PM

oh my god! we won 2nd place! we were the first runner up in the songfest finals!!! xD ang saya! we didn't expect to win!

horray 4-1!! xD

alix | 2:16:00 PM